Roberto Jeremías Bútler on Tuesday, October 4, 2011 at 1:55pm
Hello children! It's another beautiful day in Dallas, Texas and I'm stuck inside my home, grading speakers who have serious problems differentiating between L and R. If you all didn't know what I do for a living (keeping up is a bit confusing), ONE of my jobs is grading English exams over the internet. Although it sounds like it's right up my alley, listening to people talk about "lice" as their favorite meal or "making a Light on this street"(where does one purchase photons?) is no longer amusing. Anyways the exam is super secret, so I can't speak about it or I'll be fired. It's my bread and butter right now, so if I lose that, I'm fucked. People say working from home is the key to freedom but sometimes I consider it a ticket to hell. Ok, sorry a bit dramatic, I actually do enjoy working from home, but when the sun is shining and it's 90 degrees outside, this is the last thing I want to be doing right about now. In addition to grading, I have two more jobs. I'm working in accounting for an art consulting firm, which occupies the other half of my day when I'm not grading English. And last, the job that I really need to not consider a job anymore.. Playboy TV. I don't want to let go of that job because it just sounds so cool.. but face it Rob, it's over. In addition to being the most ridiculous job that I've ever had (watching porn and translating), it paid extremely well and I got paid in COLD HARD Argentine pesos. However since I'm no longer in the country they've stopped giving me work. However, the production manager did contact me not too long ago asking if I was in the country because he was interested in my "black voice" for a playboy voiceover. I don't know what role I would have been voicing (mystery mandingo?) over since I've seen all of the videos and not once is there a person of color, but I'll take what I can get. I also don't know how that job will look on my resume if I ever decide to go into the field of business again, but let me tell you kids, it makes for damn good conversation at a cocktail party!
Now that I only have two jobs instead of three, I have more time to plan for my upcoming adventures. If we have the pleasure of being friends, you probably know that my plans change at an average calculated rate of 2.6 major life /travel plans per week. On weeks that I'm particularly bored, it can average up to six. Some call it an unstable life disaster (I call them bitches), however the way I have looked at it is that if I make 100000 ridiculous travel plans and only ONE of them works out, I've still got something to look forward to. Let's do a quick recap of my current year and failed plans versus what actually happened: Sao Paulo for six months, Cordoba, Sweden for a month, Burning man Festival in Nevada, moving to Dubai to work for Emirates. Fail across the board. What actually happened: Buenos Aires for 5 months, Dallas, New York City, Miami, Chicago, and Iowa City. Vegas and LA are coming soon to a theater near you.
However, all of that is child's play compared to my next, unconfirmed adventure. Kids, buckle your seatbelts because I'm about to take you on a ride. I'm about to go on the trip of a lifetime! Warning: I only speak in official IATA airport codes, so if you can't keep up, tough titty. Ok, just kidding, some of them are really hard to decipher so I will include the city, however if you don't know that BKK is Bangkok, you should be shot (just kidding again, kinda!)
DFW (Dallas) - EZE (Buenos Aires) - GIG (Rio de Janeiro) - DXB (Dubai) - BEY (Beirut) - DXB (Dubai) - BKK (Bangkok) - ICN (Seoul)!!!
If this actually works out, I'll be the happiest man on planet earth. I've always said that I have a major attraction to B cities (Buenos Aires, Beirut, and Bangkok) and if I could knock out all three of those bombshells in the same trip, I could go ahead and slit my wrist knowing that I've completed a successful life. This is all set to take place between the dates of December - Feb 2012. Here's a short explanation of how I came up with this route.
DFW- Well, I live here (cringe), so obviously I don't really have a choice for this. No brainer.
EZE- No world trip is complete without making Buenos Aires one of the stops. EZE is so good that I'm considering getting an apartment and staying a few months to plan for the rest of my trip. Given my track record I will probably deplete my savings and have to skip a few legs of this trip or sit in the hostel and eat "lice" for the duration of the vacation, but having my 5th consecutive Argentine summer is an absolute must.
GIG - Rio a mandatory stopover on my way to DXB, so why not? I could just stay at the airport, however I plan to make a mini vacation out of it. How many caipirinhas, coixinhas, and Ipanema beach bodies can I cram in a 24 hour period? BCE. Best challenge ever.
DXB - The one that failed me. Up until two weeks ago, I thought I was moving here for good, but things have a funny way of working out. I do want to go see what all the hype is about and I have some friends I really need to visit. I've been saying I'd go for ages, and now the perfect opportunity has presented itself. If I do spend all of my money in Buenos Aires, I truly have no idea what the HELL I'm going to do here since I really don't care for the beach and the city is expensive as hell, but whatever, its Dubai!!!
BEY - Ahhh, the land of the play. Did that even make sense? Don't know, don't care. Lebanon makes me go crazy! It's beautiful, the weather is awesome, the people are GORGEOUS and the food is the fuckin' bomb. I have wanted to go to Beirut longer than Hezbollah even knew what Lebanon was. Ok, that's a lie but I told you, Lebanon makes me say and do stupid shit. Pretty seductive power for a place I've never been to but baby, I'm coming!
DXB - Back to the desert. I also have a plan to storm the shiekh's palace to demand answers as to why he did not sign off on my application. I may be shot before I even step foot on the lawns but it's worth it, bitch curious.
BKK - Khao Sao Road, Pad Thai, Phuket, cheap massages, full moon parties. OK Ok OK, call me the typical tourist, but I don't care. I've never been to BKK and since I have this mental image in my head of what Bangkok looks like, I am dying to go to see if its actually true. I plan to do nothing but sit on my ass, visit temples, eat thai street food and get touched in every way by magical Thai hands. This is another place I would strongly consider moving without even having stepped foot in it. I have a good feeling about this place and I'm hardly ever wrong. I still have a 99.4% success rate when it comes to predicting my experience in cities, so I've got good hope. Budapest, you fucked up my average!
ICN - To be continued. Kind of a secret. Not really. You guess. Obviously something is up if the journey ends here.
Of course I don't have tickets for any of this and the planning is still in the EXTREME preliminary stages, but out of all the plans I've had this year, this one is the closest one to being sealed. Even closer than Dubai, which was pretty close. If this works out, I deserve a prize in strategy and planning. Does an award exist for that? Why do I deserve it? Because if this all works out, I will pay nothing for airfare. Wiiiii!
Stay tuned!
Rob
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