Roberto Jeremías Bútler on Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 4:51pm
Hello children! I don’t know why I stopped writing about BA. Maybe it’s the fact that I got super busy? Maybe it’s the fact that no one really reads Facebook notes anymore? Who knows. But I can promise you one thing, it’s not because Buenos Aires has ceased to amaze me. In fact, Buenos Aires has done the opposite. 278 days later after my arrival, I’m still intrigued, captivated and bitch pleased by this city. I never want to leave! If I were rich, I would be buried in Recoleta cemetery. Since I can’t afford it, I would like to have my ashes just sprinkled there. If anyone has been following my ash sprinkling requests, this is now the newest spot. Previous spots include: Six Flags Over Texas off the Texas Giant, off the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and the kiddie pool Chaos at Wet Zone Waterpark in Rowlett, Texas. Anyways, back to BA, I love it. I just can’t get enough. Even though it’s an incredibly big city, I still feel like it’s a small town. Since I’m a borderline freak of nature, I’ve memorized every single street from Carranza all the way to Alem in order, so I feel like I own this city. I can never get lost here. Marcelo T and Rodriguez Pena? Bitch please, of course, I know exactly where that’s at. Bollini and French? Come on, that’s child’s play. If you really want to stump me, you’ve gotta get past Rivadavia, once the streets cross Rivadavia, things (and my BA street knowledge) gets a little sketchy.
Part of the reason I like it here is that this is one of the only places in the world where I feel at home. As mentioned above, I know the layout of this city better than any city on earth, including Rowlett Texas, which is pretty impressive. Also, I just feel so comfortable here. The daily challenges don’t even bother me anymore. Things that would be annoyances to first world denizens no longer faze my 3rd world ass. Yeah, I’m proud to say it, I live in the 3rd world and I’m proud! No gas in my building for an entire month? That’s ok, just use the miniature camping stove that my landlord brought me. Weekly blackouts? Open the windows, sunlight is nice! Taxi driver overcharges you? Just give him counterfeit bills! Everything here has a solution. It’s my new way of living life very carefree (if you thought I was carefree before, you’d be shocked (read scared) if you could see me now.
I hate to make empty promises, but in an attempt to talk about the local culture and show why I love this city, I want to post daily 2-3 things that I love about Buenos Aires. Given my track record, this will last about a good week. It’ll make me feel good, I’ll fall in love all over again with BA, and I’ll stop writing. I know myself way to well. But for right now, I’m in a damn good mood and I feel like sharing it with the world.
1) PUNTO PIZZA EMPANADAS:
Oh Children, what would I do without Punto Pizza? Punto Pizza is an amazing pizza/empanada fast food shop that is located 3 blocks away from my house on Laprida between Las Heras y Gutierrez. Punto Pizza has always been there for me always.. for celebrations, for tragedies, for good times, for bad times… sunny afternoons.. rainy days… you can always count on Punto Pizza to deliver fresh hot empanadas to your door. The delivery guys all try to put on a front like they don’t know me (what’s up with that anyways? How many black guys live on Las Heras and order empanadas thrice a week?) but I don’t care. I always get the carne suave empanadas for 2.75 pesos a pop (5.29 South African Rand, 2.72 Israeli shekels). For those unfortunate people who have never tasted an empanada, it’s basically a pocket of dough stuffed with anything you can imagine inside. Corn.. jam.. cheese.. meat..chicken.. Whatever you want, they have it. What sets punto pizza apart from the other empanada shops is that Punto Pizza always engraves the first letter of the kind of empanada into the dough, so you always know which one is which in case of a massive empanada party. Here’s a mock problem and I will show you how Punto Pizza solves this issue.
PROBLEM:
“Matias, llegaron las empanadas!
(Matias, the empanadas are here!)
“Che, tengo muchaaaaa hambre...dame mis empanadas.. pedi 3… 2 de carne suave, y una de jamon y queso.
(dude, i’m so hungry, gimme my 3 empanadas.. 2 are smooth meat (horrible translation) and one is ham and cheese”)
“pero boludo (voice raising), no se cuales son.. hay 6 empanadas aca.. cuales son las tuyas?”
(but dude (stronger than dude), i dont know which are which... there are 6 empanadas here.
SOLUTION:
“ sos un pelotudo!, no podes leer? Mira, las mias dicen CS y JQ. Las tuyas dicen P y CP (pollo, carne picante).”
(what a dumb ass, can’t you read? Mine say CS for carne suave, and JQ for jamon y queso. Your say P for pollo and cp for carne picante”)
“wow, mira vos! Me olvide que pedimos de Punto Pizza!”
(wow, look at you/how interesting! I forgot we ordered from Punto Pizza!”)
That situation has actually happened to me a number of times and each time, Punto Pizza has been to the rescue. Also, if you wanted to see how Argentines speak, that’s an exact conversation any Argentine would have.
2) ONCE
Plaza Miserere! Plaza Miserere! This is the simple, yet beautiful song that I made up that I sing everytime I wander into the amazing area of town called ONCE. If you took Mexico City, Chinatown, Senegal, a Bolivian flea market, and mixed it up together, you’d get ONCE. It’s the area of town (in my opinion) that is bordered by Pueyrredon, Rivadavia, Corrientes and I’m still working to figure out an eastern border. Anyways, you can get ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in Once. Fake passports? Jewelry sold by Senegalese immigrants? Got it! The only problem with Once is that everything lasts approximately 2 to 3 weeks but…. Fuck it! The prices are incredible! Sheets and towels for a fraction of the price…I once bought 3 tshirts in Once for 15 pesos each (3.93 US Dollars, 6.71 Brazilian reais), but when I took them to the laundry ONCE, they came out like midriffs. I just bought the most incredible cut off shirt there two weeks ago. It’s dirty as hell, but I’m so hesitant to wash it because I already know the outcome. What should I do? Who still handwashes?!? If I take it to the laundry and tell them not to dry it, they still will of course (come on, this is the 3rd world)…so I’m kinda stuck there. Anyways, Once is cool because they play lots of cumbia music, people weave in and out of stores holding crying babies and dance as they shop. It’s just a complete mess. To make things even crazier, each section of Once has a purpose. For example, the street of Lavalle between Pueyrredon and Callao is dedicated to just selling party supplies and fabrics. I don’t understand how two stores could be next to each other and sell the exact same thing! I mean, that’s fierce competition. It used to blow my mind back in the day when a CVS and a Walgreens were on opposite corners from each other, but two no-name fabric shops each selling nothing but long sheets of purple cloth is a whole new ball game. The thing is, they don’t even do anything to differentiate themselves from each other. They sell the exact same product, have the same shitty customer service, but somehow they both stay in business. Same prices too! Anyways, the highlight of Once is Plaza Miserere, a dirty, run down plaza full of Bolivian immigrants singing and throwing rocks into the fountain that no longer has any running water. Right next to the plaza there’s a huge train station that sells cheap food and women wash their babies in the sinks in the bathroom. Every time I’m hanging out a bit in Recoleta a bit too much and I’m feeling too snobbish, I’ll take the 41 down Pueyrredon for some good ol’ fashioned 3rd world fun. No trip to Once is complete without a pair of 5 peso socks, a choripan and a Quilmes from one of the many restaurants inside the train station, and just a little bit of petty theft and crime :)
3.) ONCE NAPKINS
No blog post that references ONCE would be complete without mentioning the famous ONCE napkins of Argentina. Now, before you guys go running around talking about Once napkins (not the hottest topic, but could happen), they really aren’t called Once napkins. I made that name up based on the first experience I had with these napkins in early 2009 in the Once train stations. Basically, what makes these napkins special is that they aren’t even napkins. They are thinner than a piece of paper, they resemble napkins in shape, even come in the napkin dispenser, but they do a PISS poor job of wiping faces, hands and spills. They are little pieces of hard clear or brown paper. That’s it. To demonstrate how shitty these napkins actually are, a friend and I once spilled water on the table and placed an Once napkin on the spill to soak it up. Instead of soaking the spill up, the Once napkin pretty much floated on top of the spill. Zero absorption. Zero. Bounty and even Charmin would be outraged! The problem/beauty of this is that these “napkins” are at at least 95% of the economical restaurants in Buenos Aires. If you’re looking to eat cheap in BA and you don’t want to walk out of the restaurant with shit all over your face, I suggest you stuff a few paper towels in your pocket because the Once napkins just wont cut it. You’d be better off actually using a plastic bag to wipe your face. I have no idea if they have Once toilet paper because I’ve never gone to the bathroom in the train station, but for the sake of cleanliness (and a potential typhoid outbreak), I HOPE Once TP doesn’t exist.
Well children, that’s the city I live in. Who doesn’t love that? Keeps life interesting.. no?
Peace
Rob
Part of the reason I like it here is that this is one of the only places in the world where I feel at home. As mentioned above, I know the layout of this city better than any city on earth, including Rowlett Texas, which is pretty impressive. Also, I just feel so comfortable here. The daily challenges don’t even bother me anymore. Things that would be annoyances to first world denizens no longer faze my 3rd world ass. Yeah, I’m proud to say it, I live in the 3rd world and I’m proud! No gas in my building for an entire month? That’s ok, just use the miniature camping stove that my landlord brought me. Weekly blackouts? Open the windows, sunlight is nice! Taxi driver overcharges you? Just give him counterfeit bills! Everything here has a solution. It’s my new way of living life very carefree (if you thought I was carefree before, you’d be shocked (read scared) if you could see me now.
I hate to make empty promises, but in an attempt to talk about the local culture and show why I love this city, I want to post daily 2-3 things that I love about Buenos Aires. Given my track record, this will last about a good week. It’ll make me feel good, I’ll fall in love all over again with BA, and I’ll stop writing. I know myself way to well. But for right now, I’m in a damn good mood and I feel like sharing it with the world.
1) PUNTO PIZZA EMPANADAS:
Oh Children, what would I do without Punto Pizza? Punto Pizza is an amazing pizza/empanada fast food shop that is located 3 blocks away from my house on Laprida between Las Heras y Gutierrez. Punto Pizza has always been there for me always.. for celebrations, for tragedies, for good times, for bad times… sunny afternoons.. rainy days… you can always count on Punto Pizza to deliver fresh hot empanadas to your door. The delivery guys all try to put on a front like they don’t know me (what’s up with that anyways? How many black guys live on Las Heras and order empanadas thrice a week?) but I don’t care. I always get the carne suave empanadas for 2.75 pesos a pop (5.29 South African Rand, 2.72 Israeli shekels). For those unfortunate people who have never tasted an empanada, it’s basically a pocket of dough stuffed with anything you can imagine inside. Corn.. jam.. cheese.. meat..chicken.. Whatever you want, they have it. What sets punto pizza apart from the other empanada shops is that Punto Pizza always engraves the first letter of the kind of empanada into the dough, so you always know which one is which in case of a massive empanada party. Here’s a mock problem and I will show you how Punto Pizza solves this issue.
PROBLEM:
“Matias, llegaron las empanadas!
(Matias, the empanadas are here!)
“Che, tengo muchaaaaa hambre...dame mis empanadas.. pedi 3… 2 de carne suave, y una de jamon y queso.
(dude, i’m so hungry, gimme my 3 empanadas.. 2 are smooth meat (horrible translation) and one is ham and cheese”)
“pero boludo (voice raising), no se cuales son.. hay 6 empanadas aca.. cuales son las tuyas?”
(but dude (stronger than dude), i dont know which are which... there are 6 empanadas here.
SOLUTION:
“ sos un pelotudo!, no podes leer? Mira, las mias dicen CS y JQ. Las tuyas dicen P y CP (pollo, carne picante).”
(what a dumb ass, can’t you read? Mine say CS for carne suave, and JQ for jamon y queso. Your say P for pollo and cp for carne picante”)
“wow, mira vos! Me olvide que pedimos de Punto Pizza!”
(wow, look at you/how interesting! I forgot we ordered from Punto Pizza!”)
That situation has actually happened to me a number of times and each time, Punto Pizza has been to the rescue. Also, if you wanted to see how Argentines speak, that’s an exact conversation any Argentine would have.
2) ONCE
Plaza Miserere! Plaza Miserere! This is the simple, yet beautiful song that I made up that I sing everytime I wander into the amazing area of town called ONCE. If you took Mexico City, Chinatown, Senegal, a Bolivian flea market, and mixed it up together, you’d get ONCE. It’s the area of town (in my opinion) that is bordered by Pueyrredon, Rivadavia, Corrientes and I’m still working to figure out an eastern border. Anyways, you can get ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in Once. Fake passports? Jewelry sold by Senegalese immigrants? Got it! The only problem with Once is that everything lasts approximately 2 to 3 weeks but…. Fuck it! The prices are incredible! Sheets and towels for a fraction of the price…I once bought 3 tshirts in Once for 15 pesos each (3.93 US Dollars, 6.71 Brazilian reais), but when I took them to the laundry ONCE, they came out like midriffs. I just bought the most incredible cut off shirt there two weeks ago. It’s dirty as hell, but I’m so hesitant to wash it because I already know the outcome. What should I do? Who still handwashes?!? If I take it to the laundry and tell them not to dry it, they still will of course (come on, this is the 3rd world)…so I’m kinda stuck there. Anyways, Once is cool because they play lots of cumbia music, people weave in and out of stores holding crying babies and dance as they shop. It’s just a complete mess. To make things even crazier, each section of Once has a purpose. For example, the street of Lavalle between Pueyrredon and Callao is dedicated to just selling party supplies and fabrics. I don’t understand how two stores could be next to each other and sell the exact same thing! I mean, that’s fierce competition. It used to blow my mind back in the day when a CVS and a Walgreens were on opposite corners from each other, but two no-name fabric shops each selling nothing but long sheets of purple cloth is a whole new ball game. The thing is, they don’t even do anything to differentiate themselves from each other. They sell the exact same product, have the same shitty customer service, but somehow they both stay in business. Same prices too! Anyways, the highlight of Once is Plaza Miserere, a dirty, run down plaza full of Bolivian immigrants singing and throwing rocks into the fountain that no longer has any running water. Right next to the plaza there’s a huge train station that sells cheap food and women wash their babies in the sinks in the bathroom. Every time I’m hanging out a bit in Recoleta a bit too much and I’m feeling too snobbish, I’ll take the 41 down Pueyrredon for some good ol’ fashioned 3rd world fun. No trip to Once is complete without a pair of 5 peso socks, a choripan and a Quilmes from one of the many restaurants inside the train station, and just a little bit of petty theft and crime :)
3.) ONCE NAPKINS
No blog post that references ONCE would be complete without mentioning the famous ONCE napkins of Argentina. Now, before you guys go running around talking about Once napkins (not the hottest topic, but could happen), they really aren’t called Once napkins. I made that name up based on the first experience I had with these napkins in early 2009 in the Once train stations. Basically, what makes these napkins special is that they aren’t even napkins. They are thinner than a piece of paper, they resemble napkins in shape, even come in the napkin dispenser, but they do a PISS poor job of wiping faces, hands and spills. They are little pieces of hard clear or brown paper. That’s it. To demonstrate how shitty these napkins actually are, a friend and I once spilled water on the table and placed an Once napkin on the spill to soak it up. Instead of soaking the spill up, the Once napkin pretty much floated on top of the spill. Zero absorption. Zero. Bounty and even Charmin would be outraged! The problem/beauty of this is that these “napkins” are at at least 95% of the economical restaurants in Buenos Aires. If you’re looking to eat cheap in BA and you don’t want to walk out of the restaurant with shit all over your face, I suggest you stuff a few paper towels in your pocket because the Once napkins just wont cut it. You’d be better off actually using a plastic bag to wipe your face. I have no idea if they have Once toilet paper because I’ve never gone to the bathroom in the train station, but for the sake of cleanliness (and a potential typhoid outbreak), I HOPE Once TP doesn’t exist.
Well children, that’s the city I live in. Who doesn’t love that? Keeps life interesting.. no?
Peace
Rob
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